[Satire & Snark] What is your best worst advice someone might believe?

bbk

Mame
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Follow someone’s advice because they have nice looking trees.
 

michaelj

Chumono
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Orange County, CA
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10a
Twice as much fertilizer = twice as much good stuff for the tree.
 
D

Deleted member 32750

Guest
Pinching your trees makes them weak and although the Japanese have been practicing bonsai for centuries, they have no idea about proper horticultural practices! Instead you must fertilize the heck out of your trees and prune then like hedges!
 

dbonsaiw

Omono
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New York
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Pinching your trees makes them weak and although the Japanese have been practicing bonsai for centuries, they have no idea about proper horticultural practices! Instead you must fertilize the heck out of your trees and prune then like hedges!
Oh no you didn't! LOL.

The man himself will not reply so ...................... the best way to encourage growth and thicken trunks is to pinch at the first sign of life and keep the tree in a tiny container. Also, a realistic interpretation of a tree ensures that the tree is an exaggerated "S" shape and pads are very important. The goal is for your tree to look either like Princess Leah's hair or one of Byork's poodle hairstyles.
 

ShadyStump

Imperial Masterpiece
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Southern Colorado, USA
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6a
Repot all tropical's in the dead of winter. Bare root, cut back hard and put in a dark room.
I've done this. It works.
...
...
Well, they're not dead yet anyway.


Tip: if I tried it and killed the tree, it's only because I did it wrong.
YOU should totally give it a go!
😉
 

Srt8madness

Omono
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Houston, Tx
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Newly acquired nursery stock that looks healthy and vigorous must be repoted immediately for the health of the tree.
You need to get a newly acquired plant out of soil immediately for the plants health, even if keeping it in a can. Because somehow the plant is lush and green even though it's been growing in that horrible dirt for years.
 
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