Formal display for discussion II

Smoke

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Whats wrong with this display?

Whats right about this display?
 

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Smoke

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Think about your remark. Too high compared to what?

How about trying to convey a tall waterfall plunging into a gorge where a small group of trees might grow?

Too high compared to your thinking about preconcieved notions of how bonsai should be displayed?

You gotta let your mind wander a little..think about being there. Is it natural, have you seen something like this before?
 

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Yamadori

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Al, that is exactly what Ted was expressing! Distant high waterfall.
 

RyanFrye

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This to me is what formal displays are all about. This was very well executed. One reason for me is that it uses a bonsai tree that while very artisticly created would probably not be my first pic as favorite in a line-up of trees. But, in this setting with the scroll and the accent plant it's impact is amazing and serene.

Thanks for posting this Al.
 

grizzlywon

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For me, I see where you are both coming from about the height of the scroll. I think it displays a high fall in the background, but it might be look better if it was a larger scroll. I seems really small at least to me.

Another thing I like is the marlin jumping out of the water. (thats what it looks like to me in the pic) I think this is really fitting for a forest of trees I could imagine on some cliffs overlooking the ocean. But once again, the scroll would be too high. I think if it were low, it might give the impression of a fish jumping out of the ocean in the background.
 
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Yamadori

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Another thing I like is the marlin jumping out of the water. (thats what it looks like to me in the pic)

That is not a marlin but rather it is the convergence of mountains and the beginning of the fall of water. The entire length of the fall is suggested with a mist essence.
 

Yamadori

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I just wonder if it would look better if it were wider?

Yes, Hideko used this display as an example (with Ted's permission). She provided a wider scroll and moved it over a bit. The whole display transformed. It was more harmonious.

She also changed the accent to a lower and wider plant to reduce the tall narrow redundancy.
 

Smoke

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A couple views. One moved same scroll

and one moved wider waterfall scroll.
 

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pdbacos

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Thanks for posting the other compositions! It is nice to be able to see the same tree in different contexts.

In the original composition, the repetition of tall and narrow forms reminded me a little of Display III---the one with the gingko. It's rather like a "motif" that gains strength (and maybe meaning) with each repetition.

I rather like the high, dramatic placement of the scroll, maybe just because no other display uses the height of the scroll to create the same effect. For me, the vertical elements and the dramatic height of this display evokes a lot of energy--- I can almost hear that waterfall in the distance. I'm not sure that any of the other displays has quite the same effect. I appreciate this display for it's unique viewpoint.

The other two compositions don't have quite the same sense of drama, but they have other qualities to recommend them: What I like best about these two compositions is the placement of the kusamono. I'm aware of the different planes of the foreground, middleground and background. The depth of the tokonoma is used masterfully.

The placement of the scroll in these alternative compositions is strikingly different. I don't get the same vertical impact. At it's worst, it almost seems like many of the others displays. (I hope the artist who worked on these two contrasting views doesn't take this the wrong way.) I might move the scroll a little to the left, but this is just a matter of personal taste and nitpicking. I agree with Yamadori's assessment that the display was transformed: it is much more tranquil, serene. It doesn't have the same movement and energy of the original display. The choice of lower, wider kusamono also contributes to this effect. Things are much more subdued, serene.

P
 
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rockm

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Too high, too small

"Think about your remark. Too high compared to what?"

Too high to have any relationship with the planting beneath. Hey, I'm all for "white space" in a display, but this scroll is far too small to be placed that high in the composition. It's placement is distracting and does not so much convey the image of a high distant waterfall, as it suggest another, unrelated display. That's because the lower edge of the scroll v visually "stops" it there and the trees start below it. In other words, the scroll frame restricts it.

Either get a larger scroll that drops below the tree tops, or lower this one, so the bottom third is below the top of the trees...
 

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