Smoke
Ignore-Amus
You asked for it.........
I delivered it......
Now live with it.....
I have been compiling these quotes for well over 12 years on my hardrive. My cloud is floating again.
VANCE WOOD, THE QUOTES PAGE
I guess what I am trying to say is don't be so stubborn about the way you produce bonsai that in the end you never do.
He who turns their nose up at good material usually has the privilage of smelling their own back side.
The great risk is to the life of the tree, the minor risk is for a while compared to painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa. Being accused of ruining a good tree. That being said I may ruin a good tree but I don't want a good tree I want a great tree.
The only flip flopping we get around here in December is when we flip out on the ice and flop on our butts.
You know how that goes Bill, it's like the bumble bee, according to physics it is not supposed to be able to fly. However; no one told the bumble bee.
If you are going to make a display trying to parody the classic Tokonome what you accomplish must look something like a Tokonome not the top of Granny's Pie Table.
He who jumps the gun often finds himself having to dodge his own bullets.
Like I said; there is no way I was going to stick my hands, head and camera under all that brush.
Outside of gasoline and a match, it is in my opinion difficult to determine which thing is doing what and why.
If you have trees of this caliber please do take the workshops, this material should not fall into the hands of someone who has only been stumbling around in the dark a few years longer than you.
I try to never blow smoke if I can't build a fire
You know I am getting just a bit tired of you akadamadorks calling me ignorant
I didn't want to get the thing too long so no one would read it but as you grow older you may find yourself drooling over trees instead of hotties in short skirts and tight shirts.
This tree is no where near what it is going to be after I get another shot at it this coming summer. ( my all time favorite)
Now let's see if the pitch fork and hang man's noose crowd storms the castle LOL------I'm such a bastard!
That's the difference between a metaphor and a simile. One is a bush and the other is like a bush. Often it takes close examination to determine the differences especially in this case.
You cannot open a can of worms and not expect things to wiggle all over the place.
To me, using Turface alone is like putting a teaspoon of Cinnamon in your mouth. Try it sometime if you want to find out, but it aint pleasant. Choke hazard warning.
Actually I look at good Juniper bonsai much the same way Ron White looks at naked women, once you see one of them naked----------you pretty much want to see them all naked.
Usually one has to stand off and shoot road apples with a shotgun to understand and appreciate the expletive this horticultural masterpiece evokes.
Then there're those who do indeed know everything that sit back and watch the neighborhood barf-a-rama as every body elses trys to bull shit each other to death.
That's why sometimes when someone comes along on the site telling everybody how they should do bonsai I challenge them to put up or shut up. The question is then left to ask is why do I care? Hell if I know, I just do.
That's good, confusion is good for the psyche. Makes you think, beyond the process of trying to trip someone up.
Good, I try to please. Hubris will fill it's own toll. It is interesting however that you think experience is a fault and should be ignored. I hope you never try to learn how to fly an airplane.
That's possible but I bet he did not get his pilot's liscense from a crackerjack box.
The only other thing that has a place in a community discussion is; that it is very difficult to convince experienced people that a turd is a three layer wedding cake.
But you see bonsai is a Sisyphus-ian task in itself, your never done unless you fail altogether by killing the tree.
I think he knows that and doesn't care any way, he will continue to give his magic 8 ball advice until someone who has had a failure because of it confronts him.
You kind of remind me of an orchestra of bag pipes. You make a shrill noise and are full of hot air. You are obviously very bright but you don't take time to listen or learn.
And so we see the mind set involved in the invention of the Square Wheel. The undying belief that everything you do, or think, or suggest is absolutely right just because it was your idea. Hell; with the idea that you have absolutely no proof of anything you say it is only necessary that you say it because if you say it------it must be true.
Sometimes when you have a leaky toilette it tends to dominate the conversation.
So what's with the prejudice against the Scots? Seriously. But for those who have corrupt and twisted minds like my own it seems that California would have no problem with men who on occasion wear skirts.
not every tree you collect from 9,000 feet above sea level is going to be a magnificent bonsai hundreds of years old, it very well could be a piece of crap with altitude sickness.
However I do draw the line at those who think testing the level of gasoline in the tank with a lit match is a little much.
I can condescend and explain what is wrong with this and that, but why rob you of the opportunity to learn something by doing it yourself. Bonsai is like sex; half the fun is getting there.
Boring and useless for the most part. It is like watching flies decompose after landing on paint you have been watching dry.
It seemed to, me the longer this went on, we were debating the virtues of some street whore, where someone was starting to have feelings for the young lady and trying to defend her honor.
I would, have but you took it down so fast there is still a breeze coming from that page. Why would you put them up and then take them down? What is this a $2.00 sneaky peak at some strip joint?
It's a lot easier to roll a Port-O-Potty down hill than it is to convince the people in it that they deserved the trip.
I don't make any excuses for my trees and you are righjt many of them are not much better than some crap you might post---- if you had any that were your own work that you had balls enough to put on line. But see that's the major difference, I will post my work (and it's all my work)---- not a purchased bonsai in the bunch. Getting you to post anything is typical of many of you ledgend in their own minds bonsai masters. You like to light your own farts but there is little left but the smell when you are done.
Again I feel like I have to agree with the ancient Chinese Philosopher Ho Lee Crap, why don't you try to achieve world peace first.
You can't take a stand if the cement is still wet; you'll sink in up to your knees.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Just remember that the inspiration for the wheel was not the brick. Things with corners do not roll very well.
Hemorroides on carbuncles--- foot prints in doo-doo
these are a few of our favorite things.
Careful; someone may accuse you of believing the Earth is flat and that the Sun revolves around the Earth and that the Moon is made of Green cheese and you can make your odometer run backward by driving your car in reverse.
Besides; if you raise the piñata too high you are libel to catch one in the gonads. That by itself would be entertaining.
Come on guys this is not the Don Quixote awards forum. You do what you can with what you have, learn the most you can, believe in your self but don't think you know it all even if you think you do, and never pass on the opportunity to learn something new. You can always reject it latter. Never borrow money from anyone named Vito, never play cards with someone whose name is the same as a City, and never play pool with someone whose name is the same as a State.
New content since original thread, in blue
Not all of them, but most. I don't sit around and write this stuff down they just kind of chip off my brain like old shingles from a roof.
Ever see anyone walk into a spider web from a distance and marvel at the way this individual flails their arms around, spins in circles and brushes imaginary things off of themselves while prancing like a pony that just stepped on a nail? Funny as heck----if it ain't you looking like a douch.
What's a madd'u you no like pictjures of trees on the ceiling or growing out of walls?
It's parallel parking a train?
Sometimes I look forward to something so that I can run away before every body else figures it out. I hope that is not the case with this tree.
However; I will face it head on, standing in traffic head held high, chest thrown out beyond my ability to suck my stomach in, eye to eye with oncoming traffic I will boast my determination to overcome as I am rolled over by an eigteen-wheeler going 95 miles an hour------and the subsequent police cars chasing the afore-mentioned truck for exceeding the speed limit-------and not wearing his seat belt.
Could have fooled me. That's like coming along and calling every one here a poop-shoot. Then saying "gee let's have a healthy discussion about your condition????
BUT don't pee down my back and tell me its raining, and basically that's where this thread wound up did it not. Then you follow up with questions about my meds and rolleyes?? Who the hell are you to sit in judgement of me? And yes I am steamed !!!
Here it comes: Do you have a more-better way? Been dyeing to say that.
How about posting some pictures of your trees. Pictures speak louder than words and don't smell as bad as BS.
This idea and concept works when dealing with the design of a tree. Most of the time I do not comment on the quality of a tree unless I am asked.
However; and especially lately, when asked about my qualities as an asshole I am compelled to respond and in doing so prove, that I am an asshole with an "F"ing pronoun added for emphasis.
Believe me, I am the master of the "Flawed Design Bonsai". Good bonsai design is the product of careful and precise decisions.
I remember when that idiot Washington wanted to go boating on the Delaware in the middle of winter. I told him it was not a particularly good time to go fishing, and asked him "What's with the drum?"
I am not known for tip-toeing through the Tulips so here it is straight up room temperature.
Sorry you cannot train a dog to go meow.
A pre-bonsai is like buying a naked lady; you know what you are getting and you will pay the price for your choice----in more ways than one.
Everything you will achieve from this tree will be a negotiated settlement between the owner and the tree. Vision verses reality.
I was recently diagnosed with type one diabetes and given the prescription Metforman to lower blood sugar. Believe it or not this stuff turned me into an ass-hole. I know, I know many of you are saying; " but Vance you were already an ass-hole." I had become an ass-hole squared. I know many of you are saying; " but Vance you were already square." Just goes to show you; you can't win. I talked the doctor into allowing me the attempt to control the problem with diet. So now I have to prick my finger every day. Boy don't get dyslexia and perform that one backwards.
I am not the world's greatest artist and though the Mugo is held in high regard in Europe, Americans have been slow to embrace the tree though it is as common as dog hair on a hill billy sofa.
That is my total problem with the ubiquitous American Bonsai, it is like a Big Foot sighting, it is either the actions of an over active mind or a ding-o-ling in a Monkey suit. The tragedy is most of the attempts to make an American Bonsai wind up looking like---- a Din-o-ling in a monkey suit. Some day some individual will swerve into one with his car. It's hard to catch a legend.
You know me, I always look best with one or both feet stuck in my mouth, it enhances my smile and improves my breath.
There is almost no such thing as a container ready Mugo Pine. This again is one of the major reasons more people do not choose them for bonsai projects, too many choices and not too many good ones.
Many years ago we had an individual in our club that had the most miraculous wiring skills, enough so many told him he should, in his words, go national. But his abilities to imagine an idea for a design ranked up there with those who clean port-o-pottys. Not meaning to speak ill of those who clean Port-o-Pottys but if it were not for them we would be doing it in the road;----- in tribute to the Beatles White Album.
So the point remains; it may be possible to do it by one out of how many thousands of growers but that does not mean it would be wise to recomend it to someone who is only starting out in bonsai and probably does not really know a concave cutter from a ham sandwich.
In the end we found that he was the original source for the All Smoke No Fire Internet Bonsai Club. You should love to shut me up if you had the ammunition to do it-----I would love for you to shut me up just for the sake of bonsai. I did not insult your teacher either, I referred to your worship of him. I am certain your teacher would be unpleased that you have dragged him into something like this wherein your behavior puts his name and reputation in question.
The only thing negative I find about Akadama is the sales spiel that if you do not use Akadama you're not doing bonsai right, your trees will die and all your children will be born naked.
The price of Turface makes it financially a better deal if you do buy a bag of dog doo on occasion which is possible.
Just curious: How many points in IQ does it take to qualify for membership in mensa?
You really want to go down this road just remember I did not bring it up but when you open the door to an outhouse and you were the last one in there the smell you smell may be your own
Glad you stopped by if only to remind us of our sphincter mentality and moral ineptitude.
New for 2015
I delivered it......
Now live with it.....
I have been compiling these quotes for well over 12 years on my hardrive. My cloud is floating again.
VANCE WOOD, THE QUOTES PAGE
I guess what I am trying to say is don't be so stubborn about the way you produce bonsai that in the end you never do.
He who turns their nose up at good material usually has the privilage of smelling their own back side.
The great risk is to the life of the tree, the minor risk is for a while compared to painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa. Being accused of ruining a good tree. That being said I may ruin a good tree but I don't want a good tree I want a great tree.
The only flip flopping we get around here in December is when we flip out on the ice and flop on our butts.
You know how that goes Bill, it's like the bumble bee, according to physics it is not supposed to be able to fly. However; no one told the bumble bee.
If you are going to make a display trying to parody the classic Tokonome what you accomplish must look something like a Tokonome not the top of Granny's Pie Table.
He who jumps the gun often finds himself having to dodge his own bullets.
Like I said; there is no way I was going to stick my hands, head and camera under all that brush.
Outside of gasoline and a match, it is in my opinion difficult to determine which thing is doing what and why.
If you have trees of this caliber please do take the workshops, this material should not fall into the hands of someone who has only been stumbling around in the dark a few years longer than you.
I try to never blow smoke if I can't build a fire
You know I am getting just a bit tired of you akadamadorks calling me ignorant
I didn't want to get the thing too long so no one would read it but as you grow older you may find yourself drooling over trees instead of hotties in short skirts and tight shirts.
This tree is no where near what it is going to be after I get another shot at it this coming summer. ( my all time favorite)
Now let's see if the pitch fork and hang man's noose crowd storms the castle LOL------I'm such a bastard!
That's the difference between a metaphor and a simile. One is a bush and the other is like a bush. Often it takes close examination to determine the differences especially in this case.
You cannot open a can of worms and not expect things to wiggle all over the place.
To me, using Turface alone is like putting a teaspoon of Cinnamon in your mouth. Try it sometime if you want to find out, but it aint pleasant. Choke hazard warning.
Actually I look at good Juniper bonsai much the same way Ron White looks at naked women, once you see one of them naked----------you pretty much want to see them all naked.
Usually one has to stand off and shoot road apples with a shotgun to understand and appreciate the expletive this horticultural masterpiece evokes.
Then there're those who do indeed know everything that sit back and watch the neighborhood barf-a-rama as every body elses trys to bull shit each other to death.
That's why sometimes when someone comes along on the site telling everybody how they should do bonsai I challenge them to put up or shut up. The question is then left to ask is why do I care? Hell if I know, I just do.
That's good, confusion is good for the psyche. Makes you think, beyond the process of trying to trip someone up.
Good, I try to please. Hubris will fill it's own toll. It is interesting however that you think experience is a fault and should be ignored. I hope you never try to learn how to fly an airplane.
That's possible but I bet he did not get his pilot's liscense from a crackerjack box.
The only other thing that has a place in a community discussion is; that it is very difficult to convince experienced people that a turd is a three layer wedding cake.
But you see bonsai is a Sisyphus-ian task in itself, your never done unless you fail altogether by killing the tree.
I think he knows that and doesn't care any way, he will continue to give his magic 8 ball advice until someone who has had a failure because of it confronts him.
You kind of remind me of an orchestra of bag pipes. You make a shrill noise and are full of hot air. You are obviously very bright but you don't take time to listen or learn.
And so we see the mind set involved in the invention of the Square Wheel. The undying belief that everything you do, or think, or suggest is absolutely right just because it was your idea. Hell; with the idea that you have absolutely no proof of anything you say it is only necessary that you say it because if you say it------it must be true.
Sometimes when you have a leaky toilette it tends to dominate the conversation.
So what's with the prejudice against the Scots? Seriously. But for those who have corrupt and twisted minds like my own it seems that California would have no problem with men who on occasion wear skirts.
not every tree you collect from 9,000 feet above sea level is going to be a magnificent bonsai hundreds of years old, it very well could be a piece of crap with altitude sickness.
However I do draw the line at those who think testing the level of gasoline in the tank with a lit match is a little much.
I can condescend and explain what is wrong with this and that, but why rob you of the opportunity to learn something by doing it yourself. Bonsai is like sex; half the fun is getting there.
Boring and useless for the most part. It is like watching flies decompose after landing on paint you have been watching dry.
It seemed to, me the longer this went on, we were debating the virtues of some street whore, where someone was starting to have feelings for the young lady and trying to defend her honor.
I would, have but you took it down so fast there is still a breeze coming from that page. Why would you put them up and then take them down? What is this a $2.00 sneaky peak at some strip joint?
It's a lot easier to roll a Port-O-Potty down hill than it is to convince the people in it that they deserved the trip.
I don't make any excuses for my trees and you are righjt many of them are not much better than some crap you might post---- if you had any that were your own work that you had balls enough to put on line. But see that's the major difference, I will post my work (and it's all my work)---- not a purchased bonsai in the bunch. Getting you to post anything is typical of many of you ledgend in their own minds bonsai masters. You like to light your own farts but there is little left but the smell when you are done.
Again I feel like I have to agree with the ancient Chinese Philosopher Ho Lee Crap, why don't you try to achieve world peace first.
You can't take a stand if the cement is still wet; you'll sink in up to your knees.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Just remember that the inspiration for the wheel was not the brick. Things with corners do not roll very well.
Hemorroides on carbuncles--- foot prints in doo-doo
these are a few of our favorite things.
Careful; someone may accuse you of believing the Earth is flat and that the Sun revolves around the Earth and that the Moon is made of Green cheese and you can make your odometer run backward by driving your car in reverse.
Besides; if you raise the piñata too high you are libel to catch one in the gonads. That by itself would be entertaining.
Come on guys this is not the Don Quixote awards forum. You do what you can with what you have, learn the most you can, believe in your self but don't think you know it all even if you think you do, and never pass on the opportunity to learn something new. You can always reject it latter. Never borrow money from anyone named Vito, never play cards with someone whose name is the same as a City, and never play pool with someone whose name is the same as a State.
New content since original thread, in blue
Not all of them, but most. I don't sit around and write this stuff down they just kind of chip off my brain like old shingles from a roof.
Ever see anyone walk into a spider web from a distance and marvel at the way this individual flails their arms around, spins in circles and brushes imaginary things off of themselves while prancing like a pony that just stepped on a nail? Funny as heck----if it ain't you looking like a douch.
What's a madd'u you no like pictjures of trees on the ceiling or growing out of walls?
It's parallel parking a train?
Sometimes I look forward to something so that I can run away before every body else figures it out. I hope that is not the case with this tree.
However; I will face it head on, standing in traffic head held high, chest thrown out beyond my ability to suck my stomach in, eye to eye with oncoming traffic I will boast my determination to overcome as I am rolled over by an eigteen-wheeler going 95 miles an hour------and the subsequent police cars chasing the afore-mentioned truck for exceeding the speed limit-------and not wearing his seat belt.
Could have fooled me. That's like coming along and calling every one here a poop-shoot. Then saying "gee let's have a healthy discussion about your condition????
BUT don't pee down my back and tell me its raining, and basically that's where this thread wound up did it not. Then you follow up with questions about my meds and rolleyes?? Who the hell are you to sit in judgement of me? And yes I am steamed !!!
Here it comes: Do you have a more-better way? Been dyeing to say that.
How about posting some pictures of your trees. Pictures speak louder than words and don't smell as bad as BS.
This idea and concept works when dealing with the design of a tree. Most of the time I do not comment on the quality of a tree unless I am asked.
However; and especially lately, when asked about my qualities as an asshole I am compelled to respond and in doing so prove, that I am an asshole with an "F"ing pronoun added for emphasis.
Believe me, I am the master of the "Flawed Design Bonsai". Good bonsai design is the product of careful and precise decisions.
I remember when that idiot Washington wanted to go boating on the Delaware in the middle of winter. I told him it was not a particularly good time to go fishing, and asked him "What's with the drum?"
I am not known for tip-toeing through the Tulips so here it is straight up room temperature.
Sorry you cannot train a dog to go meow.
A pre-bonsai is like buying a naked lady; you know what you are getting and you will pay the price for your choice----in more ways than one.
Everything you will achieve from this tree will be a negotiated settlement between the owner and the tree. Vision verses reality.
I was recently diagnosed with type one diabetes and given the prescription Metforman to lower blood sugar. Believe it or not this stuff turned me into an ass-hole. I know, I know many of you are saying; " but Vance you were already an ass-hole." I had become an ass-hole squared. I know many of you are saying; " but Vance you were already square." Just goes to show you; you can't win. I talked the doctor into allowing me the attempt to control the problem with diet. So now I have to prick my finger every day. Boy don't get dyslexia and perform that one backwards.
I am not the world's greatest artist and though the Mugo is held in high regard in Europe, Americans have been slow to embrace the tree though it is as common as dog hair on a hill billy sofa.
That is my total problem with the ubiquitous American Bonsai, it is like a Big Foot sighting, it is either the actions of an over active mind or a ding-o-ling in a Monkey suit. The tragedy is most of the attempts to make an American Bonsai wind up looking like---- a Din-o-ling in a monkey suit. Some day some individual will swerve into one with his car. It's hard to catch a legend.
You know me, I always look best with one or both feet stuck in my mouth, it enhances my smile and improves my breath.
There is almost no such thing as a container ready Mugo Pine. This again is one of the major reasons more people do not choose them for bonsai projects, too many choices and not too many good ones.
Many years ago we had an individual in our club that had the most miraculous wiring skills, enough so many told him he should, in his words, go national. But his abilities to imagine an idea for a design ranked up there with those who clean port-o-pottys. Not meaning to speak ill of those who clean Port-o-Pottys but if it were not for them we would be doing it in the road;----- in tribute to the Beatles White Album.
So the point remains; it may be possible to do it by one out of how many thousands of growers but that does not mean it would be wise to recomend it to someone who is only starting out in bonsai and probably does not really know a concave cutter from a ham sandwich.
In the end we found that he was the original source for the All Smoke No Fire Internet Bonsai Club. You should love to shut me up if you had the ammunition to do it-----I would love for you to shut me up just for the sake of bonsai. I did not insult your teacher either, I referred to your worship of him. I am certain your teacher would be unpleased that you have dragged him into something like this wherein your behavior puts his name and reputation in question.
The only thing negative I find about Akadama is the sales spiel that if you do not use Akadama you're not doing bonsai right, your trees will die and all your children will be born naked.
The price of Turface makes it financially a better deal if you do buy a bag of dog doo on occasion which is possible.
Just curious: How many points in IQ does it take to qualify for membership in mensa?
You really want to go down this road just remember I did not bring it up but when you open the door to an outhouse and you were the last one in there the smell you smell may be your own
Glad you stopped by if only to remind us of our sphincter mentality and moral ineptitude.
New for 2015
Last edited:
