The I hate "insert tree" thread

Lorax7 said:
So, basically this is Marathon Man and you’re the dentist while the trees are Dustin Hoffman?
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Not sure what you're referencing there.
I'm a logger/line clearance specialist/herbicide applicator.
I kill trees by the thousands on a daily basis.
I have many ways at my disposal.
 
M. Frary said:
Not sure what you're referencing there.
I'm a logger/line clearance specialist/herbicide applicator.
I kill trees by the thousands on a daily basis.
I have many ways at my disposal.
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It’s a movie in which Dustin Hoffman’s character unwittingly becomes a target of some bad guys who think he knows something. They use dentistry without anaesthesia as an interrogation method to get him to talk.

I made the reference as a joke about how in bonsai we use tools that look a lot like surgical tools to perform invasive procedures on trees which, in most cases, aren’t “medically necessary” from the tree’s perspective (if trees were sentient and could have an opinion) and which the tree did not consent to (because trees can’t give consent). If trees were capable of cognition, what we do to them would be “tree torture”.
 
Trees with thick trunks and thin branches to make
the trunk look bigger --------- silly convention.

Actual trees - nope - luvem all.
Good Day
Anthony
 
All the species that are not suitable for my climate.

But I don't "hate them": it's that I just can't see the point in investing a lot of money in artificial lights, heating, humidity controls, etc. for "bonsai" that will anyway be a pale imitation of what they can look like when cultivated in the proper environment whereas one can grow healthy local trees (here, USDA zone 8).
 
Anthony said:
Note on -Fukien tea -

Observation, not all seem to like pot cultivation.

They all like the open ground.

Many of those mallsai are probably genetically doomed.
Good Day
Anthony
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Most of those mallsai probably have the same life expectancy as a goldfish won at a carnival.
 
Silentrunning said:
Most of those mallsai probably have the same life expectancy as a goldfish won at a carnival.
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Shorter. The goldfish was at least alive when you bought it. A significant portion of mallsai are already dead when still in the store. They just haven’t dropped foliage or turned brown yet.
 
Lorax7 said:
It’s a movie in which Dustin Hoffman’s character unwittingly becomes a target of some bad guys who think he knows something. They use dentistry without anaesthesia as an interrogation method to get him to talk.

I made the reference as a joke about how in bonsai we use tools that look a lot like surgical tools to perform invasive procedures on trees which, in most cases, aren’t “medically necessary” from the tree’s perspective (if trees were sentient and could have an opinion) and which the tree did not consent to (because trees can’t give consent). If trees were capable of cognition, what we do to them would be “tree torture”.
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As I remember, the bad guy was an ex-Nazi
 
Taxus, for sure. The evil, age old creature from the shady undergrowth. From those parts of the forest where things go to die. I can't seem to kill my taxus. But I'm not caring for it either. And it doesn't give a hoot.
Together with carribean pines, they're in my top 2 ugliest conifers.
Never liked taxus, not as a kid, not as an adult. There's something off with them.
And to make things worse, they're a highly valued hedge plant in my country. If you drive just 20 miles in any direction, you've seen hundreds at least.
 
Pecan. I have 5 of them in my back yard that block the sky so much I can't use my telescope. They drop branches every time the wind blows, hello this is Oklahoma so the wind is always blowing (it's when the wind stops when you run for cover) the falling pecans causes hail damage to my house and cars. They screw up the water in my goldfish pond. I exact some revenge because the wood is great in my smoker. I still do not know why I started one as a bonsai. I swear these trees possess the evil of Satan himself or even worse one of my in laws.
 
K5ATG said:
Pecan. I have 5 of them in my back yard that block the sky so much I can't use my telescope. They drop branches every time the wind blows, hello this is Oklahoma so the wind is always blowing (it's when the wind stops when you run for cover) the falling pecans causes hail damage to my house and cars. They screw up the water in my goldfish pond. I exact some revenge because the wood is great in my smoker. I still do not know why I started one as a bonsai. I swear these trees possess the evil of Satan himself or even worse one of my in laws.
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Speaking of dirty trees, we have tons of sycamore in our area. Aside from the flaking bark going everywhere, they throw those damn seed balls everywhere.
 
I don't have a bonsai nemesis so much but as far as trees in general go Ailanthus altissima is the bane of my existence. There is one in my neighbor's yard and it agressively tries to invade mine, I have to pull up what feels like 50 baby trees a day. They pop up all over my lawn and in my raised vegetable bed, etc. Ugh.
 
Right now Douglas fir is on my shit list. My neighbor behind me has several BIG ones and they put out massive amounts of pollen, then in the late spring the male cones drop in profusion, then the needles drop from fall through winter and cones drop year round. All of it fills the rain gutters and creates general mess year round. But they are gorgeous trees.
 
Gsquared said:
Right now Douglas fir is on my shit list. My neighbor behind me has several BIG ones and they put out massive amounts of pollen, then in the late spring the male cones drop in profusion, then the needles drop from fall through winter and cones drop year round. All of it fills the rain gutters and creates general mess year round. But they are gorgeous trees.
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Its amazing on how a tree can be so beautiful yet so evil.
 
In real life: sumac. Trees shouldn't spread by runners.

Bonsai: junipers. I just can't find it in myself to appreciate them, especially the twisty carved deadwood green helmet ones.
 
London Plane Tree. They are planted everywhere around here as street trees and when they’re not dropping their leaves all over the place during autumn/fall they are dropping their pollen and “hair-like” crap all through spring/summer. It makes a mess on the streets and also gives those with allergies/hayfever a near death experience. Their roots are incredibly invasive and resilient, lifting, breaking and ‘re-modelling’ street gutters and paving. The pathways outside my place are forever cracked and falling apart or being repaired by council... who will be back in 12 months time to do it all over again. Possums love living in them, so they harbour a whole different kind of pest, but probably one of the biggest things that pisses me off with these trees is... they suck as bonsai!
I’ll take a breath now.
 
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