Soulution for Styling Apex

[Smoke]

I think you should follow Smoke's lead and start your own blog. That way you can control what people are allowed to say in response to your posts, and you wouldn't have to put up with all these attacks...even if they are mostly imaginary.

Yes, but then I would not be told I was being sensitive.

There ya go......

That was a good idea for you.

You instead decided to be a smartass......

 

[coh]

Sawgrass, I count now at least 5 people (including myself) who have told you you're being overly sensitive or are over-reacting to these perceived insults. Do you think we're all wrong? Sometimes we get into these situations and lose track of what we're doing, how we're acting, how we're coming across to others. Do you have a friend or spouse who would be able to look over your recent forum interactions and give you an honest appraisal? People here are trying to do that and you're basically telling them to go %*&$ off.

I have no bone to pick with you, I don't care whether you stay here and post or not. I'm a beginner at bonsai (only about 3 years) and I think you have things to offer. But it's not worth putting up with all this drama.

Chris

 

[A Random User]

Sawgrass, I count now at least 5 people (including myself) who have told you you're being overly sensitive or are over-reacting to these perceived insults. Do you think we're all wrong? Sometimes we get into these situations and lose track of what we're doing, how we're acting, how we're coming across to others. Do you have a friend or spouse who would be able to look over your recent forum interactions and give you an honest appraisal? People here are trying to do that and you're basically telling them to go %*&$ off.

I have no bone to pick with you, I don't care whether you stay here and post or not. I'm a beginner at bonsai (only about 3 years) and I think you have things to offer. But it's not worth putting up with all this drama.

Chris

Man, if you only knew the irony of your first couple sentences.

 

[Poink88]

I pity your wife and everyone who have to be around you (this may sound like an insult or an attack but it is a sincere comment).

I am out of here. Bye!

 

[KennedyMarx]

It seems to me that all the methods discussed can be used. I'm still at a loss as to why Stacy's spiral method can't just be reduced as it grows to get more of a "normal" apex. Maybe I need to go back and sift the drama out of the useful posts in this thread to get a clue.

 

[A Random User]

It seems to me that all the methods discussed can be used. I'm still at a loss as to why Stacy's spiral method can't just be reduced as it grows to get more of a "normal" apex. Maybe I need to go back and sift the drama out of the useful posts in this thread to get a clue.

You are missing the point my friend, I suggested something that they don't like, and I got to be
proven wrong. Until I say, yep your right, I am somehow pushing my views on everyone and causing trouble.

 

[coh]

Man, if you only knew the irony of your first couple sentences.

Which one of us has a half dozen or more people (from the last two threads) telling us we're over-reacting and being unreasonable and overly sensitive? Hint....it's not me.

 

[Kodama16]

Hey guys. Sorry to jump in like this on the discussion. But hey sawgrass have you seen my PMs?
: )

 

[A Random User]

Hey guys. Sorry to jump in like this on the discussion. But hey sawgrass have you seen my PMs?
: )

Sorry, I haven't, I will check right now.
Thanks for reminding me !

 

[A Random User]

Which one of us has a half dozen or more people (from the last two threads) telling us we're over-reacting and being unreasonable and overly sensitive? Hint....it's not me.

Yeah, I'm done arguing... you will never know the shitty PM's
I get frompeople cussing me out for doing a quarter of what I am
Imagine being done to me. When I treated them with respect, I didn't
Hound them, I just gave them an honest answer, and an opinion at that.
So, continue on my friend... you have now told.me I am being sensitive
Here at least 4 or 5 times. I am just trying to figure out then why I am
Accused of attacking people and causing trouble for doing less than you
Say isn't happening... I understand now, so no more problems...
And now I will be returning to working on trees, and figuring out ways of
Doing things, rather than just saying they can't be done.

 

[fourteener]

I have a favorite book on leadership called "A Failure of Nerve." The author is a famous therapist versed in helping toxic systems become healthy. Those toxic systems can be the workplace, homes, clubs, churches, synagogues, teams, politics, cities, counties, or...groups on a forum.

The authors premise is that anxiety creates havoc in the system and the more out of whack the leaders are the worse it is for everyone. Here is the list of things that are true of people who are in or contribute more anxiety in a system...

1. Reactivity: the vicious cycle of intense reactions of each member to events and to one another. Limited capacity for reflection, large capacity for reaction.
2. Herding: a process through which the forces of togetherness triumph over the forces for individuality and move everyone to adapt to the most emotionally recalcitrant member of the system.
3. Blame Displacement: an emotional state in which family members focus on forces that have victimized them rather than taking responsibility for their own well being and destiny.
4. A quick fix mentality: a low threshold for pain that constantly seeks symptom relief rather than fundamental change.
5. a lack of Well-Defined Leadership: a failure of nerve that both stems from and contributes to the first four.

If leadership is a topic for you, this is a must read. As far as this thread goes, many of the 5 are getting displayed. The question that should be asked is which one of those did I display? Not, which one did ol' so and so display?

Capacity for reflection and not just reaction. If you can't learn to reflect you won't get very far.

 

[John Ruger]

The only thing not mentioned is a solution.

My solution is to finally opt. out of this place.

 

[fourteener]

The only thing not mentioned is a solution.

My solution is to finally opt. out of this place.

The solution is well defined leadership and the ability to spot toxic behavior and choose another way for yourself. Not adding toxin to toxin. If healthy people leave the toxin works it's way into a system like an invasive cancer cell. The body has an immune system for a reason.

 

[John Ruger]

sorry my friend, but this place is corrosive, this placed is screwed.

 

[fourteener]

sorry my friend, but this place is corrosive, this placed is screwed.

That's what leadership is about. Chaos is everywhere, leadership and vision gets people to a preferred future. A perfect place wouldn't need an immune system, but this and every other group is filled with people sooooo...health requires work.

 

[lordy]

That's what leadership is about. Chaos is everywhere, leadership and vision gets people to a preferred future. A perfect place wouldn't need an immune system, but this and every other group is filled with people sooooo...health requires work.

Not sure I follow--Are you suggesting that the Moderator/Admin of BNut is to blame for this debacle?

 

[fourteener]

Not sure I follow--Are you suggesting that the Moderator/Admin of BNut is to blame for this debacle?

If I was, that would be problem #3 in post #111. This forum(system) is a system of informal power. No I'm not saying the moderator is to blame. It's not about blame, it's about individual responsibility to not be so reactionary, not feel the need to herd everyone to my way all the time, not blame others for my toxicity, not think there is a quick fix when things go wrong, and for all of us to be the person we wAnt others to be.

If someone is going to be toxic some leader has to step in and call people on it...but...without being toxic while doing it(aka...leadership)!!

 

[Paradox]

If someone is going to be toxic some leader has to step in and call people on it...but...without being toxic while doing it(aka...leadership)!!

Ive tried to keep out of this for the most part but I have read the whole thread.

I think several people did just that but it falls on deaf ears. "It cant possibly be my fault, it is always everyone else's fault"...deny...deny....deny. Round and round we go and there never seems to be an end to it. Another topic and it happens all over again. It is sickening to watch.

This could have been a good discussion and it started out to be, but because some people can't accept others disagreeing with them without getting defensive, and lashing out, we cant have a rational discussion, just pages and pages of shit that no one cares to read and this toxic environment drives yet another experienced person that otherwise contributed away from the forum.

So.... keep it up. Pretty soon no one will want to come and participate here any more because all it will be is "Hi Im a newbie, and my tree is sick, please help". Those of us that need more advanced info will have to find it somewhere else.

 

[Smoke]

So.... keep it up. Pretty soon no one will want to come and participate here any more because all it will be is "Hi Im a newbie, and my tree is sick, please help". Those of us that need more advanced info will have to find it somewhere else.

Yep....just like I had to do.

The power of the PM is a wonderful thing. It's great because you can pick out whomever you wish to recieve help from and ask them directly. Almost like working with a personel professional, and no stupid distractions.

 

[A Random User]

I will take full responsibility for this and all the threads I have ever posted
As Stacy Allen Muse and later when I reluctantly had to use the name Sawgrass,
(I think that probably together there is like some 5,000 posts) that ever went south.
It is my full responsibility...
I started every argument, harassed every individual, and got upset over what
I perceived as being insults when they really were not.
I apologize to B-Nut, and to all those who ever were insulted, or had
The miss fortune to read one of my posts. In all of those 5,000
Posts it was my sole intention to be as negative as possible. And I am
Sorry.
Thanks