Fix the deadwood challenge...

Bonsai Nut

Nuttier than your average Nut
Messages
9,281
Reaction score
17,112
Location
Charlotte area, North Carolina
USDA Zone
7B
Here's another Yahoo! Auction Japan tree that I thought would be fun to discuss. What's wrong with this tree? What would you do to fix it?





 
Messages
1,773
Reaction score
13
Location
Ottawa, KS
USDA Zone
6
I'd name it "Fang" and call it a day! It wouldn't be a day because it's a bonsai tree, but I could still call it one!
 

Rick Moquin

Omono
Messages
1,245
Reaction score
12
Location
Dartmouth, NS Canada
USDA Zone
6a
The whole thing looks artificial, man has intervened with this tree.

Let's start with the dead wood or are they dead birds. I'm not too fussy with the beaks I find them extremely distracting, there is no flow and they appear man made vice a product of nature. The bottom one which wraps around the front, and viewd from the rear doesn't add to the tree.

IMO if something does not add to the overall composition or illusion one is trying to create, then it doesn't belong.

Veining of the jin and sharis would definitely improve the deadwood. As far as restyliing the tree, I need to see it in person. Whilst we complain that far too many deciduous and tropicals look like conifers, here's a conifer that looks like a deciduous tree. This one Ruth would call topiary.

If the owner was trying to create art. then he succeeded with his dead bird creation from the front view, but failed miserably with what remains.
 
Messages
271
Reaction score
2
Location
Scandinavia
USDA Zone
3b
Don't know if it's much of an improvement...
 

Attachments

  • deadw1.jpg
    deadw1.jpg
    33.9 KB · Views: 86

rlist

Shohin
Messages
294
Reaction score
4
Location
Portland, OR
USDA Zone
8a
Funny, the first 3 seconds of viewing this tree went: Go Ducks!, you better wear safety glasses while inspecting this tree, and that somebody needed to go Cheng Cheng-Kung on this tree to add realism to the dead wood...

Like Rick, I think I would need to spend a little time looking at the tree from different planes, as I think a change in orientation will help eliminate the beak aspect, and could improve upon the compactness of the tree.
 
Last edited:
Messages
40
Reaction score
0
I don’t get the sense that the wood and the foliage are parts of the same tree. I like the 3rd picture as the front. I also feel that the tree would do better a little shorter and with a lot less green. Have the weight of the heavy wood on the lower left and the foliage concentrated into the upper right as a counter balance. This way the foliage might look more like the natural extension of the trunk, because as it is, that big green canopy could not have grown in the same natural environment as that trunk. And natural is what we are looking for, no?
 

Hans van Meer

Yamadori
Messages
88
Reaction score
3
Come on guy's, it isn't that bad! I would not mind having a couple of this kind of material. Plenty to work with and tons of potential. You can bring me one off these any time!:p :D :D
Hans.
 

Attachments

  • deadw1 hans.jpg
    deadw1 hans.jpg
    41.4 KB · Views: 127

Tachigi

Omono
Messages
1,201
Reaction score
32
Location
PA.
USDA Zone
6b
When first viewed I struggled with the image rationalizing that the owner wanted to make a contemporary image. That rationalization soon faded to black. I settled for he was scared to death on a chisel, dremel, or any other wood cutting implement.

What Hans has shown in my opinion is the best route...It falls back on the basics to minimize, keep it compact, and give the tree natural character.
 

Hans van Meer

Yamadori
Messages
88
Reaction score
3
Here is a other one I made. This one makes more use of the empty space on the left side, creating some more point of interest to that side and enhancing the movement of the trunk at the same time.
I am a sucker for those hanging branches on Junipers!;)
Hans.
 

Attachments

  • deadw1 hans.jpg
    deadw1 hans.jpg
    41.4 KB · Views: 50
  • deadw1 hans 2.jpg
    deadw1 hans 2.jpg
    42.9 KB · Views: 65

JasonG

Chumono
Messages
786
Reaction score
15
Location
NW Oregon
When I first saw the picture I liked the tree... not for what it was but what it could be. If one was to get rid of the "beaks", refine the shari on the trunk and PLEASE do something about the white wood it could be a much better and improved tree. Add to that, compacting the foliage and giving it a semi restyle it could be great. Better stock than most people in America could dream of having...

Hans, Great job on the virts!

Jason
 

Smoke

Ignore-Amus
Messages
11,571
Reaction score
19,806
Location
Fresno, CA
USDA Zone
9
Maybe just removing the out of direction jins and smoothing out the taper. Raise the foliage on the right side a little might improve it....or not.
 

Attachments

  • clean.jpg
    clean.jpg
    35.4 KB · Views: 71

BonsaiRic

Mame
Messages
176
Reaction score
4
Location
Ohio
USDA Zone
5
Combo virt?

Combination of Al's and Hans' virts.
 

Attachments

  • deadw1%20hansedit.jpg
    deadw1%20hansedit.jpg
    34.4 KB · Views: 55
Messages
2,776
Reaction score
18
Location
Michigan, USA
USDA Zone
5
All sides offer possiblities, this one can be done with just a bit of work.

Virtuals are such a useful tool when discussing possibilities in bonsa design!
 

Attachments

  • deadw3.jpg
    deadw3.jpg
    41.4 KB · Views: 45
  • deadw1.jpg
    deadw1.jpg
    28.6 KB · Views: 42
Last edited:

cascade

Shohin
Messages
484
Reaction score
154
Location
Naples Florida
USDA Zone
10a
Changes

I like the tree..:)

-dorothy
 

Attachments

  • 2deadw1.jpg
    2deadw1.jpg
    72.7 KB · Views: 64

Tachigi

Omono
Messages
1,201
Reaction score
32
Location
PA.
USDA Zone
6b
Very nice Dorothy the reduction of the large jin at the bottom really works, at least for me.

I wonder with all the virtual work that has been done to this tree if the owner would be actually interested in seeing our impressions and the other possibilities
 

Jason_mazzy

Chumono
Messages
693
Reaction score
3
Location
Hickory NC
Very nice Dorothy the reduction of the large jin at the bottom really works, at least for me.

I wonder with all the virtual work that has been done to this tree if the owner would be actually interested in seeing our impressions and the other possibilities

this^^^ :eek:
 

Similar threads

Top Bottom